Twilight 4! It's T for Terrible!

Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Part 2

Story:

No. Just no. If you want the story look it up on IMDb.

Review:

What do you get when you combine Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles with every movie based on a book by Nicholas Sparks?

The answer is Twilight. It's so much teen angst and sappy content that your girlfriend will love you for life if you take her to it, and you will be either asleep or wishing you were asleep by about 10 minutes into it. Every single Twilight movie is like that, even Eclipse, the instalment directed by David Slade (who's better known for directing 30 Days of Night).

So your girlfriend's favourite romantic vampire quadrilogy has come to a close and she wants you to watch it with her on dvd. How could you say no? I mean, it has vampires in it right?

Well, there's also subpar nearly emotionless acting, lazy directing, a repetitive script, a plot filled with teenage angst, and a repetitive soundtrack. The cinematography is pretty good though.

What I liked the least:

1. Sappy tween romantic s***

No, seriously. It's almost as bad as a movie based on a book by Nicholas Sparks. You get so much melodrama and romantic angst that it's simply unbearable to watch unless you are female. That's not being sexist by the way.

What I liked the most:

1. Well if you think about it...

Then I didn't really like anything about it. I'm not a big fan of the Twilight series. The camera angles were good, but that's about it.

Who I recommend Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Part 2 to:

Anyone who has a girlfriend that likes sappy romantic movies. Or, for that matter, anyone that likes sappy romantic movies.

Evil Dead! Blaugh demons blaugh!

The Evil Dead:

Story:

Five youths are attacked by demonic forces summoned by an evil incantation.

Review:

To give all of you horror newbies a bit of background, The Evil Dead was one of those amazing movies from the 80's that inspired a lot of modern films today; there's even a remake being released in April! It had everything a slasher film needed. There were demons, tons of blood and gore, and of course an awesome main character named Ash (Bruce Campbell, the actor who portrayed Ash, became an icon).

Sam Raimi, the director of The Evil Dead trilogy, is also known for directing a more recent trilogy named The Spider-man trilogy. Yes, those movies with a cgi Tobey Maguire swinging and jumping around New York. In previous reviews, my opinions of Sam Raimi films haven't been the greatest (with the exception of Oz), so watching The Evil Dead made me realize that maybe he's just specifically good at certain genres.

What I liked the most:

1. Blood and gore, gore, and lots of it!

A lot of horror films have blood and gore, but most of the time it's generically caused (guy gets eaten by zombie, serial killer slashes someone's organs out with a knife, or Saw). The Evil Dead is creative with its bloody gory violence. Sure, it's shown enough that one doesn't always recognize the unique methods of cause, but there are crucial moments when you realize that they actually took a lot of time and effort to make that scene happen.

2. A typical jump scare film that has false scare moments.

Say a generic main character is walking through the woods when all of a sudden some crazy monster attacks. Sure, that'll make you jump, but wouldn't it be better if there were scenes where you expect to jump and it doesn't happen until you start to relax? That's what The Evil Dead does. It catches you off guard and excels amazingly at it.

3. Ash!

Say what you will about main characters, Ash is an awesome one. He has emotional development, he survives through a lot, and he is also the good guy that gets the signature weapon. Bruce Campbell does an amazing job portraying the innocent youth who ends up having to survive the worst night of his life.

Who I recommend The Evil Dead to:

Anyone who is going to watch the remake.

Hitchcock (the name should be Alma)

Hitchcock

Story:

Chronicling the making of Psycho, this chronicles the events that took place during the making of the famous film.

Review:

Hitchcock would be a better film if it was focused on Alfred Hitchcock and not his wife Alma. As such, the title is not only misleading but also detracts from the story itself.

What I liked the most:

1. Anthony Hopkins as Alfred Hitchcock. He's brilliant and uniquely unusual in the title role. I loved how he walked around in the fat suit while wearing a dignified air of supreme knowledge.

What I liked least:

1. Focuses more on Alma Reville than Alfred Hitchcock.

This is a big problem in the film. It was nice seeing Alfred Hitchcock in a big chunk of the scenes, but the story itself focuses more on Alma Reville. It was a tasteless and tactless move on the parts of the filmmakers.

2. Lack of emotional output.

Instead of actual emotional development. We see some small emotional outbursts from Hitchcock. That's it. Most of this film is comical in origin.

Who I recommend Hitchcock to:

No one.

The Slenderest Hollywood Man We Will Ever Know

Edit: I was wrong about this having anything to do with Slender Man, but some elements do tie in almost perfectly.

The Tall Man:

Story:

Julia Dennings, an average nurse in a small town, discovers that there is more to a serial abductor called, "The Tall Man," than meets the eye.

Review:

Jessica Biel is an amazing actress. Don't get me wrong on that. She has looks, she has acting ability, and she can show a character emotionally develop.

AS FOR THE TALL MAN. Well, to be honest, it was good. I thoroughly enjoyed the story from start to finish and thought that they did a fairly decent job with it, though there were some problems that are notably mentionable.

What I liked the most:

1. Some intense scenes.

The Tall Man has some very intense right-in-your-face scenes that seem to come out of nowhere. They just grab you by the throat and hurl you out of a window. Evidently this is one of the few parts that were mastered.

2. The story (and plot) keep you guessing as to how this will end.

One of my gripes with horror films is that they are mostly predictable. For example, the first Paranormal Activity told you how it would end almost right from the beginning with the demon possessing Katie Featherston. The Blair Witch project let you know that the witch would kill the three young film makers. The Tall Man actually keeps you guessing from start to finish, and you never really know how it ends until it indeed ends.

3. Jessica Biel's acting.

Jessica Biel is someone that most people probably know from Blade Trinity. She was the kickass vampire slaying human that had a very revealing shower scene (yes all you guys that were 13 or 12 at the time, you remember that scene).

Anyhow, she's lately been exceeding expectations in the films she's been in since then. The Tall Man is actually one of the films that she's flawless in. She delivers what I think is her best performance.

What I liked the least:

1. Not many scares.

This is a problem I have with a lot of movies, specifically ones that are horror films. They simply don't have scary moments. Sure, other people will jump and have reason to be scared/creeped out, but as far as The Tall Man goes, it just didn't creep me out or scare me at all.

Who I recommend The Tall Man to:

Anyone who likes a decently developed story that keeps developing.

Scientific horror has never been better. Also, the prequel to The Wizard of Oz

The Bay:

Story:

A bacterial outbreak causes chaos.

Review:

My opinion of found footage horror tends to be the same. It sucks. The amount of good found footage films that I have seen are barely countable on both hands. So colour me surprised when this gem was discovered. Part documentary, part found footage, this scientific horror film is one of the best I have seen in the genre.

What I liked the most:

1. The story.

This is somewhat complex. About 5 minutes in you realize just how real the filmmakers wanted this to be, with the filmmakers providing a lot of real material to provide the fictional story. As such, The Bay has moments of terror that are supported by real species and creatures. In fact, one could be convinced that the events that occur in The Bay could actually happen.

2. Use of sound.

Yeah most horror films rely on sound more than visuals to provide scares, but this one relies more on sound to not only make you jump, but creep you out and fill you with dread as The Bay progresses.

3. Creepy science fiction type creatures.

Without spoiling what it is, I will sum this up by not only saying that the creatures are terrifying, but they're based on actual creatures that live in the water. That said, an actual outbreak would be terrifying.

What I liked the least:

1. The main character.

This is more of a personal dislike. I don't really know why, but I hâte this type of character in general. They're so annoying in horror films and generally provide nothing helpful, as they merely tell you what is going on, while you see it occur. It's like a sports commentator, but more annoying.

Who I recommend The Bay to:

Horror film fans. Especially those that like good found footage films.

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Oz: The Great and Powerful:

Story:

Oscar Diggs, a circus magician, finds himself in Oz, where he soon discovers he is destined for greatness.

Review:

Remember The Wizard of Oz? Dorothy, Toto and company all went on a magical adventure that swept us away in its splendor?

Oz successfully brings that feeling back in this prequel to that classic story.

With that said, it's not as good as The Wizard of Oz, but it is pretty good.

What I liked the most:

1. They explain Oz.

Before watching this, I watched The Wizard of Oz to refresh my memory on the story and compare the two films. One glaring problem with The Wizard of Oz was that they never really explained how Oz came to be. In Oz: The Great and Powerful, they finally manage to give us an explanation as to who
Oz is and why he's there.

2. A film in true Disney style.

With Disney going fully into the CGI realm and abandoning the beloved animation style that made their films so memorable, it was difficult watching their films for a while , knowing that the magic was all but gone. Oz fixes that, though without the animation. Throughout the film and its wonderful effects I felt like I was being carried through another joyous film of adventure and magic.

3. Funny moments abound.

Subtle sexual humour, some very cheeky jokes, and even a spontaneous musical number all gave me cause to laugh, increasing my enjoyment of this already amazing film.

Who I recommend this film to:

Anyone who has a heart. If you are indeed a heartless individual, don't watch this. Also, I recommend this to people who have seen the classic film that is technically a sequel to this.

That review of that stupid brat called Maria and that Asian spy movie

For the record, the Maria review isn't a movie review. It's a joke review about a friend.

Maria:

Story:

Born in Alberta, but currently living in Surrey, this annoying vertically challenged punk is irritating, especially when pestering the hero of the story, Joseph (yes, me). She is currently making a film about Joseph named, "10 reasons not to be Filipino."

Review:

Know how you're having an awesome day in which you feel like nothing goes wrong, then all of a sudden some Asian midget comes along and ruins it? Who are we kidding, that's a rhetorical question. Unless you live in Ohio,Wisconsin (less than 10% of the population is Asian in both of those states), or some other mainly Caucasian state/province (Yes that includes the middle area of Canada).

What I like the most:

1. When she's not badgering me about how little food she has (though she actually has tons of food) or those girly chick flick movies that she wants to watch, most of which are either musicals or based on Nicholas Sparks and Stephanie Meyer novels.

What I like the least:

1. Remove the "not," in that part I like the most.

Who I recommend Maria to:

Girly girls who hate vastly superior Asians such as good guy Joseph.

Just kidding Maria. Don't hate me.

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The Berlin Files:

Story:

A bust of an arms deal goes sour, causing several intelligence agencies to investigate and reveal a web of deceit and lies.

Review:

The Berlin Files is a film packed with an intriguing political spy story, perfectly choreographed action, and humanity. In essence it's a very recommended Korean film. I especially liked the fight scenes, but more on that later.

What I liked most:

1. A spy movie with a very human center to it.

At the centre of all the deceit and confusion are three very human characters struggling with problems of their own while trying to figure out who ruined the arms deal and why they did it, and for a movie that's only just barely 2 hours, that's a lot more to pack into a story than it appears to be. I frequently checked the time to make sure it was actually a two hour movie. Rest assured, nothing is sacrificed and the filmmakers pulled out all the stops to ensure The Berlin Files is an intense and intriguing film.

2. The fight scenes and action sequences.

No Asian spy film is complete without over the top action sequences, most of which turn into martial arts fist fights. These fights are brilliantly choreographed and are some of the best sequences I've ever seen. The punches impact and the kicks fly.

3. The intensity.

The Berlin Files is a movie that never lets up. Each scene transitions to another scene and they all are intense. Sometimes there's a slowdown, but overall the film runs at the exact same intense pace.

Overall opinion:

The Berlin Files is the definition of a spy film. If you like spy films with action and story, you should definitely check this one out while it's still in theaters. Definitely worth the ticket price.

More found footage goodies

Hollow:

Story:

Four friends travel to an abandoned monastery, unaware of the dangers that come with it.

Review:

Hollow is a perfect example of disappointing found footage, yet it's also one of the best horror films in that subgenre that I have seen. It shows that people can make a subpar found footage horror film that has some relativity to it.

What I liked the most:

1. A lack of emphasis on jump scares.

Usually found footage is known for having a ton of jump moments thrown in to distract from the lack of creepiness. Hollow does the opposite. There is an underlying creepy factor in it, but the majority of the focus ends up being on more human issues.

What I liked the least.

1. Lack of supernatural involvement.

Not to spoil too much, but this actually ends up being a movie that's mediocre for not so typical reasons. The creepy factor is in there from the start, and there are weird elements, but that's it. There's nothing until it's too late, since the movie focuses more on the characters than the creepy "oh there's ghosts" parts. This would have been better as a drama, had the few supernatural moments been removed.

Who I recommend Hollow to:

People who want more humanity in their found footage films.

Creepy demon movies with found footage!

The Last Exorcism Part II:

Story:

Nell finds refuge in a shelter, only to discover that the demon Abalam is still pursuing her.

Review:

With a Metascore of 33 and an IMDb rating of 5.1, I wasn't expecting this to be overly good, but Ed-Gass Donnelly and company did a surprisingly good job continuing the originally mediocre series.

What I liked the most:

1. A somewhat original possession story.

Despite some cliches, the story manages to keep its originality, maintaining a unique and engrossing story about Nell's struggles with demons.

2. Nell.

Nell's character is a perfect balance of good and bad, making her character very easy to connect to in a very disturbing story

What I liked the least:

1. The ties between the original movie and this one.

Part II did a great job, but it was partially ruined because of its connection to the first part. This would have been even better as an original movie instead of a continuation.

Who I Recommend The Last Exorcism Part II to:

Those looking for a different demonic horror film.

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Sinister

Story: A struggling writer moves his family into the house of the murders he's investigating. The truth behind the murders puts his and his family's life in danger.

Review:

For a paranormal film, Sinister is amazing. It's an intriguing horror film with enough scares and creepy dread building to keep it going. I'm going to cut this short and say this movie is worth watching, especially if you're a horror fan. I thoroughly enjoyed Sinister.