That review of that stupid brat called Maria and that Asian spy movie

For the record, the Maria review isn't a movie review. It's a joke review about a friend.

Maria:

Story:

Born in Alberta, but currently living in Surrey, this annoying vertically challenged punk is irritating, especially when pestering the hero of the story, Joseph (yes, me). She is currently making a film about Joseph named, "10 reasons not to be Filipino."

Review:

Know how you're having an awesome day in which you feel like nothing goes wrong, then all of a sudden some Asian midget comes along and ruins it? Who are we kidding, that's a rhetorical question. Unless you live in Ohio,Wisconsin (less than 10% of the population is Asian in both of those states), or some other mainly Caucasian state/province (Yes that includes the middle area of Canada).

What I like the most:

1. When she's not badgering me about how little food she has (though she actually has tons of food) or those girly chick flick movies that she wants to watch, most of which are either musicals or based on Nicholas Sparks and Stephanie Meyer novels.

What I like the least:

1. Remove the "not," in that part I like the most.

Who I recommend Maria to:

Girly girls who hate vastly superior Asians such as good guy Joseph.

Just kidding Maria. Don't hate me.

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The Berlin Files:

Story:

A bust of an arms deal goes sour, causing several intelligence agencies to investigate and reveal a web of deceit and lies.

Review:

The Berlin Files is a film packed with an intriguing political spy story, perfectly choreographed action, and humanity. In essence it's a very recommended Korean film. I especially liked the fight scenes, but more on that later.

What I liked most:

1. A spy movie with a very human center to it.

At the centre of all the deceit and confusion are three very human characters struggling with problems of their own while trying to figure out who ruined the arms deal and why they did it, and for a movie that's only just barely 2 hours, that's a lot more to pack into a story than it appears to be. I frequently checked the time to make sure it was actually a two hour movie. Rest assured, nothing is sacrificed and the filmmakers pulled out all the stops to ensure The Berlin Files is an intense and intriguing film.

2. The fight scenes and action sequences.

No Asian spy film is complete without over the top action sequences, most of which turn into martial arts fist fights. These fights are brilliantly choreographed and are some of the best sequences I've ever seen. The punches impact and the kicks fly.

3. The intensity.

The Berlin Files is a movie that never lets up. Each scene transitions to another scene and they all are intense. Sometimes there's a slowdown, but overall the film runs at the exact same intense pace.

Overall opinion:

The Berlin Files is the definition of a spy film. If you like spy films with action and story, you should definitely check this one out while it's still in theaters. Definitely worth the ticket price.